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pork-n-beans

Typical conversation with my agent, nowadays:

You want me to do what with whom?

Typical conversation with my agent, nowadays:

You want me to do what with whom?

Judi Dench Judges You

3

In my day, men valued intelligence.

Now, apparently, spray tans and weaves do the trick.

In my day, men valued intelligence.

Now, apparently, spray tans and weaves do the trick.

Judi Dench Judges You

4

You really think you're going to stop porn, Santorum?

I know men who'd pay top dollar to see *Me* in a sex tape, let alone those little tartlets!

You really think you're going to stop porn, Santorum?

I know men who'd pay top dollar to see *Me* in a sex tape, let alone those little tartlets!

Judi Dench Judges You

3

You'll be bleeding soon

So I'd better run to the store and get you some tampons. Be back in a jiffy!

You'll be bleeding soon

So I'd better run to the store and get you some tampons. Be back in a jiffy!

Seemingly Sinister Repo Man

2

They laughed at my high notes

I laughed as they choked on their own blood

They laughed at my high notes

I laughed as they choked on their own blood

PTSD Clarinet Boy

1

I'm Gonna give you

I'm Gonna give you

Fat Girl

1

Judi Dench Judges You

2

I may be nearly blind

but I can still see that you're a dumbass

I may be nearly blind

but I can still see that you're a dumbass

Judi Dench Judges You

2

This is the look I gave Andrew Lloyd Webber

when he asked me to star in Cats

This is the look I gave Andrew Lloyd Webber

when he asked me to star in Cats

Judi Dench Judges You

2

So, tell me, Rhianna,

Exactly why does it "make sense" to work with the ex-boyfriend who split your lip open?

So, tell me, Rhianna,

Exactly why does it "make sense" to work with the ex-boyfriend who split your lip open?

Judi Dench Judges You

2

Put it back in your pants

Put it back in your pants

Judi Dench Judges You

2

You plan to stop Kony

By masturbating in public?

You plan to stop Kony

By masturbating in public?

Judi Dench Judges You

3

You want people to take your crusade against a violent warlord seriously,

So you get drunk and masturbate in public. Brilliant.

You want people to take your crusade against a violent warlord seriously,

So you get drunk and masturbate in public. Brilliant.

Judi Dench Judges You

2

When I began my professional career,

Shakespeare was learning the alphabet

When I began my professional career,

Shakespeare was learning the alphabet

Judi Dench Judges You

2

Lady Gaga liked the smell of her rotting meat dress.

Are you really surprised?

Lady Gaga liked the smell of her rotting meat dress.

Are you really surprised?

Judi Dench Judges You

2

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